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#1 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 28 January 2008 - 11:38 PM

I thought some of you might enjoy some humor today.

Meredith
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

This is an actual exchange of letters between a man named Ryan DeVries and the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

*(This is the State's Letter)*

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this bequest or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division



*** Here is the response from Mr. DeVries: ***

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.*

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation--so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS

#2 Guest_U-rantian_*

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Posted 29 January 2008 - 04:12 AM

<_< :) :) :)
Excellent Meredith

Here my bit.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."

#3 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 15 February 2008 - 03:41 PM

Hi,

I heard this today. It was very funny to me, as told to me by an acquaintance. I'll try to get the wording right. It goes like this:

A group of scientists came up with a design to make a human being, and so they went to God to tell him, and to also tell him they didn't need him anymore, because of it. God said he wanted to see what they could do, but before they showed him, God reached down and got some dirt and made a man.

Then the scientists got some dirt and were about to show God, when God said, "No, no! Get your own dirt!"

Meredith

#4 JR Sherrod

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  • Interests:I am a Lapidary, and Jewelry Artist & Designer. I love reading the Urantia Book, science fiction, and speculative non-fiction. I am a Choral Singer. I was, at various times in my past, a Military Policeman, Police Instructor, Computer Programmer/Analyst, and Post-secondary technical instructor. I love astronomy, aeronautice & aerospace, and planes & rockets of all types. I bicycle and walk for fun and fitness. I am an Advanced Toastmaster - Bronze. I write Autobiographic Self-Help, and Speculative Non-Fiction.

Posted 17 April 2008 - 05:42 PM

:P :P :P :P
Excellent Meredith

Here my bit.

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them. The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them. The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, "What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear." "I don't need to outrun the bear," the first guy says. "I just need to outrun you."



You know, I formulated a poster for my office in the Metro Police Department Crime Lab some years ago. It still hangs there, last time I checked. Here is the text:

The 3 Laws of the Jungle


#1 - Whoever eats the most, WINS!


#2 - If it can't outrun you, it's DINNER!


#3 - It always pays to have SLOW FRIENDS!



Don't you feel better we Urantians don't live in a jungle anymore - Oh, Wait . . .
Ah! To be host to God, Himself; and to be enriched beyond measure by that incomprehensible treasure!

#5 Guest_Rey Baskerville_*

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Posted 21 May 2008 - 02:37 AM

I laughed all the way through Mr. DeVries' reply. Thanks Meredith!

Permission to forward?

Rey.

I thought some of you might enjoy some humor today.

Meredith
_ _ _ _ _ _ _

This is an actual exchange of letters between a man named Ryan DeVries and the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

*(This is the State's Letter)*

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted.

The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2005.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this bequest or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action.

We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division



*** Here is the response from Mr. DeVries: ***

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County.*

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or (2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation--so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2005? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS



#6 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 09 July 2008 - 09:28 AM

Here's another one that tickles me:

A man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates where he greets St. Peter and says, "Well, here I am. Where do you want me to go? Heaven or Hell?" St. Peter says to him, "Well, today we are giving you a choice. You can go to either Heaven or Hell." The man ponders the choice. He thinks to himself: Sitting around on a white puffy cloud in Heaven for the rest of eternity doesn't sound like a lot of fun. So he asks St. Peter about Hell. And St. Peter says, "I'll send you down there for a day and you can come back and let me know what you think."

So, the man goes to check out Hell and finds that it is a total party scene there. Life is a beach. People are dancing the Macarena. They're wearing Hawaiian shirts, drinking cocktails and laughing, or, swimming in an aqua blue ocean near swaying palm trees and glistening sand. So, the man goes back to St. Peter to tell him about it, and to tell him that's where he wants to go. And so, St. Peter sends him to Hell.

When the man gets there the next day, he arrives at a place that is a boiling cauldron of burning tar with black and acrid smoke filling the air. People are screaming and pleading for a drop of dew to moisten their lips. In extreme distress and darkness he meets the Devil. "What happened?" he asks. "Yesterday this place was a beach." The Devil looks at him and says, "Yesterday? Oh. Yesterday we were campaigning."

#7 Guest_U-rantian_*

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Posted 10 July 2008 - 02:33 AM

hi
Rereading my posts :rolleyes: , when I was angry :P , this came to my mind.

http://www.youtube.c...feature=related
Anyway, it is just the animal thing ...in me :P ;) :( :(
I don't think I looked like him :o , but nearly :P

I see myself angry and I have to laugh :(

#8 Guest_U-rantian_*

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Posted 15 July 2008 - 01:56 AM

Please don't laugh :D
http://uk.youtube.co...h?v=hLMSgbA-_9k

#9 Mario

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Posted 15 July 2008 - 02:44 AM

U, this made my day ;)
Mario

Please don't laugh :D
http://uk.youtube.co...h?v=hLMSgbA-_9k



#10 Guest_U-rantian_*

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Posted 15 July 2008 - 03:00 PM

Now Mario I am very serious, don't laugh
http://uk.youtube.co...h?v=kYOtMlUrle4

#11 Guest_U-rantian_*

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Posted 25 December 2008 - 06:05 PM

Hi

The funniest
0.32 youtube B)
0:52 bluetooth ;)


http://uk.youtube.co...h?v=RsWcU6ZQBgU

#12 nameless until fused

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Posted 27 December 2008 - 02:53 PM

Stop me if you heard this one before.... ;)

oldie but goodie from "cold war" days...

"After pouring over the hundreds of pages supplied by the KGB to Russia's Space Program Managers detailing the complex research the USA was engaged in in their development of a ball point pen that defies gravity, the managers determined to send their cosmonauts up into space with pencils."


B)

#13 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 14 January 2009 - 02:51 PM

Did you ever hear the one about the farmer who put a sign out on the road advertising the sale of a horse?  The sign said,  "Horse $5"

A man stopped to take a look at it.   He asked the farmer why he was selling it so cheap.  The farmer said, "Well, he don't look too good."  The man thought to himself he could clean the horse up, trim it's hooves, givre it a good grooming and so on.  So he bought the horse and took him home.
The next day the man went out to care for his horse and saw that it was walking into the fence, bumping into the water trough and stumbling into bushes in the field.  The man came to the realization he had bought a blind horse.
He went back to the farmer to complain. The farmer said, " I told you he don't look too good!"




[This joke is about the subtleties of the English language, among other things.  It is funny to those who understand the differences/similarities between "to look" and "to see".  In my opinion the use of words/language in this meduim or any other meduim does matter.]

#14 Midsoniter woman

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 10:21 PM

Attached File  1549First_Coach.jpg   120.28KB   25 downloads

I guess you have to click on the image to see it in full size. This was a very difficult technological advance for me to post an image!
"If woman aspires literally to enjoy all of man's rights, then sooner or later, pitiless and emotionless competition will certainly replace that chivalry and special consideration which many women now enjoy, and which they have so recently won from men (Urantia Book, 938)."

#15 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 10:02 AM

Attached File  1549First_Coach.jpg   120.28KB   25 downloads

I guess you have to click on the image to see it in full size. This was a very difficult technological advance for me to post an image!



Looks like a good aircraft design to me. Thank God for those first class inflatables.

Meredith

Edited by Meredith Van Woert, 17 February 2009 - 10:36 AM.


#16 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 27 September 2009 - 05:05 PM

Instead of criticizing someone for his faults and mistakes, try walking a mile in his shoes.

Then, not only will you be a mile away from him, but you will have his shoes too.

:)
Meredith

#17 Midsoniter woman

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Posted 04 October 2009 - 06:46 PM

Welcome Bonnie. You asked about my screenname, which belongs in the humor section because my screenname is a joke. I put it up way back during one of my jokes to Nameless Until Fused. I hope she will come and make us all laugh again real soon. Anyway, the midsoniters are the offspring of Mechizedeks and Adamite women. They have their own worlds called the midsoniters worlds. What they do and what they are for, it doesn't say.
"If woman aspires literally to enjoy all of man's rights, then sooner or later, pitiless and emotionless competition will certainly replace that chivalry and special consideration which many women now enjoy, and which they have so recently won from men (Urantia Book, 938)."

#18 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 05 March 2010 - 03:43 PM

Here's a funny story I heard recently. I hope the writing of it is as funny as was the telling of it. Here it goes:

Forrest Gump died and went up to heaven where he met St. Peter at the pearly gates. St. Peter said, "Welcome to heaven, Forrest. But before you can enter through the pearly gates, you must answer three questions." "Alright," said Forrest. "I can do that. Tell me the questions."

"The first question," said St. Peter, "is: how many days in the week begin with the letter T and name them? The second question is: how many seconds are there in a year? The third question is: what is the name of God?"

So Forrest said to St. Peter, "Gosh. I'm going to have to think about this. Do you mind if I come back in a little while? I'm going to go over and sit on that bench over there while I think." And St. Peter gave him permission.

Later, Forrest came back and said he was ready with his answers. "Very good," said St. Peter. "How many days in the week begin with the letter T and name them?

Forrest said, " There are two day in the week that begin with the letter T - Today and Tomorrow." St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but it's okay and I'll let it pass. What about the second question - how many seconds are there in a year?"

Forrest said, "There are twelve seconds in a year" St. Peter said, "How did you come up with that answer Forrest?" And he said, "Well, there is January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . . ." And St. Peter said it wasn't the answer he was looking for, but he said he'd let it pass, because it was true, and asked Forrest for his answer to the third question - what is the name of God?

Forrest said, "The name of God is Andy." Perplexed, St. Peter asked him how he decided God's name was Andy? And Forrest said, "Well, I got to thinking about a song that goes like this:

"Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am His own.*

“So his name is Andy!” When he heard this, even St. Peter let out a big laugh!

-------------------------------------
*From the hymn, “In The Garden” by C. Austin Miles, 1912.

Verse 1:
I come to the garden alone, while the dew is still on the roses;
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear, the Son-of-God discloses.

Refrain:
And He walks with me, and He talks with me, and He tells me I am His own;
And the joy we share as we tarry there none other has ever known.

#19 Meredith Van Woert

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Posted 09 April 2011 - 09:31 AM

Dear Readers,

One of the delightful qualities of group study of The Urantia Book text is the wonderful sense of humor of participants! People in my group seem to be naturally witty and quick with a humorous remark or joke (nothing off-color). We laugh a lot, but we're serious too. I sometimes wonder what outsiders - people in the neighborhood or people walking by - think when hoops of laughter fill the air, drawing attention to what's going on inside. The revelators speak of humor by informing us of the following:

The higher the mortal species, the greater the stress and the greater the capacity for humor as well as the necessity for it. In the spirit world the opposite is true: The higher we ascend, the less the need for the diversions of reversion experiences. But proceeding down the scale of spirit life from Paradise to the seraphic hosts, there is an increasing need for the mission of mirth and the ministry of merriment. Those beings who most need the refreshment of periodic reversion to the intellectual status of previous experiences are the higher types of the human species, the morontians, angels, and the Material Sons, together with all similar types of personality. P. 549 - §4


But they do tell us our Urantia humor is crude. B)

Aiming for the best,
Meredith

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Posted 12 June 2011 - 03:31 PM

(547.4) 48:4.1 Joyful mirth and the smile-equivalent are as universal as music. There is a morontial and a spiritual equivalent of mirth and laughter. The ascendant life is about equally divided between work and play — freedom from assignment.

i'm a huge humor fan, jon stewart, colbert, the cartoon channel, comics like carlos mencia, i laugh a lot.

(547.5) 48:4.2 Celestial relaxation and superhuman humor are quite different from their human analogues, but we all actually indulge in a form of both; and they really accomplish for us, in our state, just about what ideal humor is able to do for you on Urantia. The Morontia Companions are skillful play sponsors, and they are most ably supported by the reversion directors.

humor is necessary and fun.

(547.6) 48:4.3 You would probably best understand the work of the reversion directors if they were likened to the higher types of humorists on Urantia, though that would be an exceedingly crude and somewhat unfortunate way in which to try to convey an idea of the function of these directors of change and relaxation, these ministers of the exalted humor of the morontia and spirit realms.

our best comics are definitely crude and lude, it's true, they're somewhat funny to me, but probably only because i live on urantia.

I thought some of you might enjoy some humor today.

Meredith






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